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The strangest things women say they have masturbated with

Once a woman gets to be in her twenties, she usually has access to vibrators and dildos if that’s what she would like to use for masturbation. But before then, the variety of objects that women use to get themselves off with is truly impressive.

Recently, one of the askReddit questions was “Women, what’s the strangest thing you’ve masturbated with?” There have been more than 4,000 responses. Here are some of them:

~I used to have a bed with a ball on the post (the post was only about about 2 feet high and the ball on the post was quite small) and I remember using that.

~One of those tubes of M&M minis before I was old enough to buy a real sex toy. It worked well. I think they still sell these.

~A toy Gandalf. Technically it wasn’t really masturbation I just wanted to see if he would fit. When I first put him down there he wasn’t sure which hole to go in.

~A blanket pulled tight up between my legs that I humped at til I came. It was awesome.

~A pillow. I’m 22 and it still gives me a better orgasm than any of my actual toys.

~An electric toothbrush.

~One time when I was 14 I straddled a huge Scooby-Doo I won at Kings Island and road him to Kingdom Cum. I only got to do it once though because I busted him open. I was cleaning up that weird foam filler for weeks.

~I found a finished roll of one of those sticky lint removers, and the handle was pretty phallic shaped. To keep it even smoother and easier to use I took a rubber glove and put one of the fingers over the handle and just tied the rest around the non usable portion. It worked pretty well when I was 16 until I finally got the courage to just go buy a real dildo.

~A prismacolor marker in powder blue that I dipped in wax several times to increase the width. I then wrapped it in saran wrap and went to town…

~N64 controller with a Rumble Pak. I just walked Mario into a corner and rumbled away. (This was 15 years ago.)

~When I was a kid, I masturbated with my Squiggle Wiggle Pen, which was both shaped similar to and vibrated like a dildo. My mom caught me, and she made me throw it out. But by then, I was so addicted to cumming, that I secretly fished it out of the garbage. The next time she caught me with it, she told me that if I ever touched myself again, she would take me to the doctor and tell them something was wrong with me. Looking back, she did a real shit job on sex ed.

~The handle of my hairbrush when I was about 15. (Hairbrush handles are pretty common, based on the women’s answers to our sex survey.)

~My ex told me she used to grind on her stuffed animals faces because their bead noses and eyes felt nice. When I visited her house, all her stuffed animal’s faces were a little wonky. We had a good laugh about it.

~Do you remember those keychain things kids used to make with those linguine shaped colored plastic strings? They would weave them together to make multicolored long thing keychain. Yeah. One of those. At church camp. When I was very young. See you all in hell

~More like what haven’t we used to masturbate with… When I was a kid.. Removable top on my four post bed.. and squeezing my thighs together hard enough to orgasm.. Hairbrush handle.. Venus razor handle with the razor detatched… Various bottles… A bottle of lube… A mini bottle of baby powder.. :l .. Too many things… I’m so glad im older now and have actual fucking sex toys. My vagina thanks me for it signifigantly but.. the best toy that to this day I STILL use? The shower head.. Turned on the ‘stronger’ spray setting settled right inbetween the legs… It feels good man… It feels good.

~When I was about 13 I bought a happy meal and it came with some toy drum sticks (which were suspiciously thick.) Used one of them as a dildo and that ladies and gents is the story of the first time I squirted.

~A tall skinny perfume bottle. With the top taped down

~One of those bubble wands. I would take in the shower and use it with the shower-head. I used it like a dildo and the shower head like a vibrator.

~I caught my sister masturbating with a Teddy Ruxpin when we were kids. As an adult, she later confessed that he was with her for many years… She would pop in a tape and let his little wiggling nose go to work. She even had favorite stories because of the accompanying motions.

~Top of a bed post. It was very dick shaped and it wobbled one day as I was changing my sheets. I got an idea and that night I went and unscrewed it and used it to masturbate. It was awesome. I was sexually active and very good with it.

~Covered one of my Anne geddes doll’s faces with baby oil and rubbed myself up and down on it until I came. Couldn’t look at it anymore after that night……I was a messed up kid

~Nothing all that odd, actually. The usual electric toothbrushes and such. I guess the oddest was a cucumber. That doesn’t even seem that odd.

~I heard losing my virginity would hurt so I tried to pop my own cherry with a toothbrush before I had actual sex. It hurt like hell. Probably shouldn’t have used the bristled end.

~I had a m&ms mini tube that I would use, occasionally a vacuum cleaner attachment, but my favorite was this purple blow up stick that was acquired at a sporting event. I used to deflate it half way, get the deflated bit inside as much as I wanted and then twist it until it inflated inside me. Instant orgasm. I also fashioned ice dildos while on vacation. I missed a family photo session because of an ice dildo. Thank goodness I discovered sex shops, there is nothing like a Hitachi wand.

~I used to run the tap in the bathtub while I laid with my crotch underneath it and let the hot water run. I got some intense orgasms from it but would have to turn the water really hot, to the point where I’ve scalded my back. Also there are two machines at the gym that if I really push myself on them, I eventually orgasm. One is a leg machine and the other one is an ab machine. It’s nice because it’s great incentive to work out but I just hope no one can tell what’s going on when I’m doing it. Lastly, not sure if this counts but in 5th grade I discovered that I could squeeze my legs together and eventually it would make me orgasm, so I would just do it during class all the time without anybody knowing. I can still do it now but it’s not as easy to finish anymore.

~Usually: a bushel of decorative styrofoam bananas I bought at Michael’s.

~When I was 14 I discovered the magic of whirlpool jets (my parents had a whirlpool in their bathroom). This was how I came for the first time. I asked to take a lot of baths. I was only caught once by my mom, but I like to think I played it off as I was just thinking hard about something, pressed up against the edge of the tub. Yeah, she probably totally believed it. A couple years ago I was at the drugstore and found a clear candy tube that was shaped just like a dick. I bought it, ate the candy, and filed down the protruding plastic seam at the end. I’ve since used it as my shower dildo, as filling it up with hot water makes for a lovely experience.

~Knitting needles. I was super into knitting when I was like 15, and it helped with my anxiety. I used to take them to school and knit between classes. Wasn’t long before I figured out the handle end was perf for hitting my g-spot. I remember in an IT class once, some asshole of a kid made a comment that I was like an old lady and probably masturbated with them. Hope he didn’t notice how red I went.

~Gluesticks, an oddly dick-shaped glass deodorant container, markers strapped together inside a glove, an electric toothbrush which I covered with a water balloon every time so it wouldn’t get scratchy, the well-stuffed tail of my large tiger plush (only once… Ow, fuzzy things don’t feel so fuzzy and nice in there), a long ovoid manicure set container, ends of hairbrushes, the butt of pool cues, cucumber covered in a glove, and one of those silly squiggly pens that everyone else seems to have tried.
Take that, crazy repressive family! Anything I could do to find a bit of enjoyment growing up… So glad I figured out masturbation to help keep my own sanity.

~I remember first discovering that the jets in a hot tub felt amazing. There were 4 of us, all girls in the hot tub. We were only about 15/16 and my friend goes bend over in front of this jet, it feels amazing. And so that’s when we all started doing it, all having orgasms. That was weird.

To quote a male “The only thing this thread made me realize is how boring male masturbation is.” For the entire list, visit the askReddit page where the question was posted.

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