Free Chapter: Explaining Sex to Kids
CLICK HERE for a free chapter from the Guide To Getting It On for parents on how to explain sex to their children.
“My boyfriend’s foreskin hurts when I touch it”
Dr. Paul
My boyfriend and I have not had sex, but when I’ve touched his foreskin he says it hurts him. If I retract the skin its too much for him, it hurts. But when I don’t, he doesn’t feel anything. He hasn’t had sex with anyone. I will be his first. He masturbates with the skin all the way up. It never seems to retract. Honestly, I’ve been doing most of the research and he doesn’t know what the problem is. I think it may be mild phimosis.
YouTube viewer of Your Video “A Woman’s Guide To Men’s Foreskins”
Dear YouTube Viewer,
It’s never a good sign when you’re the one having to figure out what’s going on with boyfriend’s penis!
Free Chapter on Barbie
More girls than you would ever imagine made their Barbie Dolls have sex. This free chapter from the Guide To Getting It On not only tells about the fascinating history of Barbie, but you will marvel at the ingenuity of our readers whose Barbie dolls were no strangers to sexual exploits of many different kinds.
Woman from our Sex Survey
I tend to masturbate after we have sex. My husband is an excellent lover, so it's not that. I think it's more like coming down from the high."
Free Chapter: Sex in the Military
This is one of the better summaries ever written on sex in the military, with comments from the surveys of men and women who have served and had sex in the military.
To get the entire chapter for free, CLICK HERE. A pdf of the chapter will magically appear!
The illustration is by Daerick Gross Sr, from the “Guide To Getting It On.”
One of Cosmo’s “10 Books Sex Experts Wish Everyone Would Read”
“This is the Bible you want for everything you want to know or ever wanted to know about sex, sexuality, and everything in between. The book [truly] describes every aspect of sex that you were ever interested in learning about.” -Cosmopolitan.com
The new edition of the Guide To Getting It On is now available at Amazon! Click Here for the Amazon page.
Here’s the back cover…
Updates for July, 2017
A BIG THANKS to Joshua David Stein for his Daily Beast article: Is ‘The Guide to Getting It On’ the Best Sex Ed Book Ever?
The new edition of the Guide To Getting It On is off to the best start of any new edition ever. Thank you so much for making it such a success.
This month’s website goals:
To finish loading the Free Chapters, to get the glossary online, and to do two new Bob the Llama videos.
Having Sex When You Are Living with Your Parents
It used to be that most young adults either got married soon after college or they shared a place with roommates. But that has changed, and it’s changed in a big way. Researchers have found that more young adults are living with their parents than ever before.
Click Here for the FREE CHAPTER: “Sex after You Move Back Home” from the Guide To Getting It On. It’s the ultimate guide for adult children who are living at home with their parents, and for their parents as well! This chapter covers the issues and solutions for dealing with sex under your parents’ roof.
Illustrations are by the amazing Daerick Gross Sr.
Dr. Stephanie Buehler, sex therapist
I’m seeing an increasing number of normal young men who believe they should be studs who are able to perform any time, anywhere, with anyone at a moment’s notice.”
“I’m trying to teach my girlfriend how to squirt (female ejaculate). Can you tell me the best methods for her to try?”
If a woman naturally releases fluid during orgasm, no problem.
But please, please, please do not encourage your partner to learn how to squirt or “female ejaculate.” I’ve heard concerns from colleagues in medicine that there may be a higher incidence of bladder prolapse in women who have taught themselves to squirt. This would make sense, since a woman releases mostly urine after the first two teaspoons of liquid are expelled during orgasm.
Some women are naturally disposed to having bladder issues as they get older. Why take a chance of making it worse when women can enjoy sex every bit as much without trying to “squirt like porn stars”?
A new fertility test lets men check their sperm by phone
Currently, if a man needs to have his fertility checked, he goes to a special lab where he has to masturbate to provide a fresh sample of semen for analysis.
This will be changing in the next year or two, because a researcher from Japan has devised a way of doing male fertility tests by phone.
A man who needs to have his fertility checked will put a newly invented $10 lens over the camera on his phone. He’ll masturbate in the privacy of his home and then do a video of his semen with his phone. To have the test performed, he’ll upload the video to a center that does sperm analysis. So without ever leaving home, men will soon be able to have their fertility checked by phone.
The researcher who invented the process is now perfecting the new lens. Field testing is currently being done with results that are almost as good as if a man went to a fertility lab and had his semen examined in person.
A big thanks to Steve Dr. Sperm Schrader for the alert, to Gabby Bess for her post in Broadly, and to Dr. Yoshitomo Kobori for his brilliant new invention. Dr. Kobori’s interest is particularly compelling in Japan, where male fertility has plummeted. Making babies in Japan has become a challenge for many couples.
Premature Ejaculation — Coming Really Fast
CLICK HERE for a free copy of the chapter on Premature Ejaculation from the Guide To Getting It On.
Threesomes!
CLICK HERE for a FREE chapter on Threesomes from the Guide To Getting It On.
When Sex Always Hurts
Between 5% and 10% of women in their teens, twenties and thirties experience pain when they have intercourse. This free chapter from the Guide To Getting It On describes how this kind of chronic pain differs from pain due to rushed or clumsy lovemaking, and describes some of the strategies that are used to help combat it.
CLICK HERE to download this free chapter on Chronic Sexual Pain from the Guide To Getting It On.
Delayed Ejaculation — Taking Forever to Come
CLICK HERE for a free copy of the chapter on Delayed Ejaculation from the Guide To Getting It On.
“Why does my BF’s semen burn when it gets in my eyes?”
Dear Dr. Paul,
Why does my BF’s semen burn when it gets in my eyes?
Iris
Dear Iris,
In a word: Spermine. Spermine is a chemical that’s in semen. It is made by the prostate gland. It’s what gives semen its characteristic bleachy smell.
The material safety data sheet for commercially produced spermine says:
Danger! Corrosive. Causes eye and skin burns. May cause severe respiratory-tract irritation with possible burns. May cause severe digestive-tract irritation with possible burns. May cause central- nervous-system effects. May cause cardiac disturbances. Causes eye burns. May cause chemical conjunctivitis and corneal damage. Causes skin burns.
While the concentration of spermine in semen isn’t nearly as high as when you purchase the raw chemical, it’s high enough to make your eyes sting. Also, semen can be a bit alkaline, which could cause irritation. There may be other things in semen that cause eyeballs to burn, but the main culprit is most likely spermine.
When women watch porn
Women watch porn, but not as often as men. Also, the porn images that women masturbate to can be different from those that men prefer.
Researchers are finding that women tend to prefer porn GIFs instead of videos. GIFs are brief animations that last only a few seconds and keep repeating. The GIFs are just as explicit as the porn men watch, but because they are so brief, there is less chance they contain material that women find offensive.
It’s also possible that women prefer to watch Tumblr porn, which is often made of stills or GIFs that couples make of their own sex lives.
Image by Dany Peschl from his Disturbation Project.
—from our sex survey
“I almost always rub on my clit during intercourse. I usually make small circular motions, which is not how I move my finger when I masturbate. I love when he does it too, although sometimes I have to move his hand into the correct spot."
A woman’s breasts are usually not the same size
More than 90% of women have breasts that are different from each other in size, shape, or position on their chest. It’s usually the left breast that’s larger, and in almost 25% of women, the larger breast is at least one cup size bigger than the other. This can make bra shopping quite a challenge.
Over the course of a woman’s lifetime, her breast size will change up to six or seven times.
Also, a woman’s hormones influence almost every aspect of her breasts. This is why it’s perfectly normal for women’s breasts to change in consistency and sensitivity from week to week during each menstrual cycle.
The NSFW part of the image gallery is by Lee Meier from Portland Oregon. If you need a professional photographer for a wedding, portrait, Z-card, or for a special occasion or event, contact Lee at Mono Graphics Studios.
Feeling sad after sex, even when it felt good and you love your partner?
There may be times when you feel sad or depressed after having sex, and it wasn’t because the sex was bad or you don’t like your partner. This can be confusing.
If you are experiencing sadness after having satisfying sex, here’s a helpful article in Good Housekeeping, of all places. It’s by Hannah Smothers: Is It Normal to Feel Sad After Sex? It doesn’t mean you’re broken, and it doesn’t mean you should break up.
The strangest things women say they have masturbated with
Once a woman gets to be in her twenties, she usually has access to vibrators and dildos if that’s what she would like to use for masturbation. But before then, the variety of objects that women use to get themselves off with is truly impressive.
Recently, one of the askReddit questions was “Women, what’s the strangest thing you’ve masturbated with?” There have been more than 4,000 responses. Here are some of them:
~I used to have a bed with a ball on the post (the post was only about about 2 feet high and the ball on the post was quite small) and I remember using that.
~One of those tubes of M&M minis before I was old enough to buy a real sex toy. It worked well. I think they still sell these.
~A toy Gandalf. Technically it wasn’t really masturbation I just wanted to see if he would fit. When I first put him down there he wasn’t sure which hole to go in.
~A blanket pulled tight up between my legs that I humped at til I came. It was awesome.
~A pillow. I’m 22 and it still gives me a better orgasm than any of my actual toys.
~An electric toothbrush.
~One time when I was 14 I straddled a huge Scooby-Doo I won at Kings Island and road him to Kingdom Cum. I only got to do it once though because I busted him open. I was cleaning up that weird foam filler for weeks.
~I found a finished roll of one of those sticky lint removers, and the handle was pretty phallic shaped. To keep it even smoother and easier to use I took a rubber glove and put one of the fingers over the handle and just tied the rest around the non usable portion. It worked pretty well when I was 16 until I finally got the courage to just go buy a real dildo.
~A prismacolor marker in powder blue that I dipped in wax several times to increase the width. I then wrapped it in saran wrap and went to town…
~N64 controller with a Rumble Pak. I just walked Mario into a corner and rumbled away. (This was 15 years ago.)
Sex, Asperger’s and Autism
Here is an extensive list of books, articles and websites that I’ve put together on sex, Asperger’s and autism.
I’ve tried to divide these resources into two parts: Part 1. For parents, teachers, therapists, teens and preteens, and Part 2. For adults with autism and their partners who may or may not have autism.
It’s okay for women to give blowjobs, but not for men to do this?
A recent study of young adults from the UK found that both men and women consider performing oral sex on a woman to be a “far bigger deal” than performing oral sex on a man.
“Many young men referred to vulvas negatively — as ‘dirty,’ ‘disgusting,’ ‘nasty,’ ‘droopy,’ ‘messy,’ ‘saggy,’ ‘stinking,'” the study’s authors write. As one 18-year-old man who participated in the study reported, “[If] a guy does it to a girl… boy, is his life over, because everyone knows about it.”
Women said they were aware of the male views, and that this made them less likely to enjoy receiving oral sex.
From Refinery 29 by Hayley MacMillen.
You’ll Love Our Videos!
“I just watched this video and loved it! It’s wonderful! Super comprehensive and engaging. This is so needed.” —Heather McPherson M.A., LPC-S, LMFT, Southwest Sexual Health Alliance
“Awesome! Great info, and I love the editing.” —Dr. Jill McDevitt, www.TheSexologist.org
“This is one of the best videos I have reviewed in years on the role of the clitoris in sex.” —Dr. Michael Perelman, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Reproductive Medicine, and Urology at the NY Weill Medical College of Cornell University, former President of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research and a Fellow of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America.
From an expert on hymens
I just received the following comment from an expert on the hymen whose study I had quoted in a post I did for the Psychology Today Blogs titled The New York Times Is Wrong about Hymens—But They Are Not Alone:
Dear Paul,
I found your article on hymens to be refreshingly accurate. I am a Pediatrician whose specialty for the past 28 years has been the medical evaluation of suspected child sexual abuse. The article you quoted about adolescent girls with and without a history of consensual intercourse is mine.
There are actually 2 myths about the hymen; one dangerous and one protective for women:
The first and oldest myth is that the hymen always breaks the first time a woman has vaginal intercourse, and will bleed. The second is that athletics or tampons can break the hymen. These are not supported by any evidence whatsoever.
The hymen is stretchy!!! That is why most women don’t bleed after their first time.
There are 3 possible explanations for why tears to the hymen are rarely seen, even in young girls after they have told someone about sexual abuse. The first possibility is that no abuse actually occurred. The second is that there was abuse, but it did not cause any injury to the hymen. The third is that there was injury, but it healed completely by the time the child was examined, to the point where no visible injury could be identified. I end up explaining the myth of the hymen when testifying in cases where the child’s description of the abuse is crystal clear, but the examination shows no sign of injury.
As far as the definition of virginity, there many. What I tell my patients, even those adolescent girls who I’ve examined after a sexual assault (and may actually have signs that the hymen was torn) is that a person is a virgin until they have consensual, awake and aware sex with a person they are in love with.
Joyce Adams, MD
How wet do women get when they are not aroused?
A gynecologist who consults for my book says you wouldn’t believe how many women think their vaginas should be dry when they are not feeling sexually aroused.
Here’s the reality: it’s not unusual for there to be enough discharge from a woman’s vagina to dry on her underwear or to soak through it. This is not related to sexual arousal. It’s what vaginas do, and it’s happening all of the time. Secretions are the body’s way of doing maintence on a woman’s uterus and vagina.
According to the University of Illinois, “Normal discharge may appear clear, cloudy white, and/or yellowish when dry on clothing. It may also contain white flecks and at times may be thin and stringy.” This can vary depending on where a woman is during her menstrual cycle, with changes in her diet, emotional stressors, taking medications including the pill, and pregnancy.
The nuts and bolts of gay sex
Does bottoming hurt?
What’s the best position for anal?
Is foreplay important?
What’s your best oral advice?
Top, bottom, versatile: What’s with that?
For answers to these and other questions about gay sex, you won’t find a better source than Clyde Engle’s article at Elite Daily 10 Gay Sex Questions You’ve Had But Have Been Too Afraid To Ask.
QUESTION: What advice do you have for a partner who is giving you oral sex? ANSWER: When I'm on the brink of orgasm, DO NOT vary your technique. Keep the same rhythm and speed. Please.
—woman age 26
Hypospadias explained
Hypospadias is one of the most common birth anomalies there is. It occurs in 1 out of every 125 to 250 boys, although mild forms of hypospadias may be even more common than this.
Hypospadias is a condition where the urethra doesn’t go to the end of the penis. The urethra is the tube inside the penis that urine and semen pass through. In mild cases of hypospadias, the urethra comes out near the end of the penis, but not quite. In more severe cases, it can come out anywhere from below the head of the penis to the area between the scrotum and anus which is called the anogential region.
Is kissing more intimate than intercourse?
Kissing a partner on the lips often makes more of an emotional statement than kissing him or her on the genitals, even if the latter usually feels better. Perhaps this is why when a relationship starts to go sour, couples will usually stop kissing on the lips long before they stop having intercourse.
There are reasons why kissing can be more intimate than getting into a partner’s pants. From the moment we are born, most of us are kissed by moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and anyone else whose approaching lips we can’t successfully dodge. Being kissed symbolizes a profound love that we hopefully come into the world experiencing.
Another reason for the added power of kissing is so many of the major senses—vision, smell, hearing, and taste—have their outlets on the human face. Not to mention the lips and skin are exquisitely sensitive to touch. The face is so full of sensory centers that we have terms such as “You’re in my face” or “Get out of my face” to express annoyance or social discomfort.
Guys will worry about the size of their penises when they should be worrying about how well they kiss.
Nice Sprinkles!
Just posted new NICE! images. CLICK HERE to see them.
Her first time receiving oral sex
A young woman’s answer to our sex survey question “Please describe one or two of your best sexual experiences”:
“The first time my boyfriend went down on me, I was caught completely off guard. We had been making out and he had been fingering me. When he asked if he should keep going I said, ‘Yes,’ thinking he meant doing the same. Then he began pulling down my pants and underwear and I remember thinking that I didn’t expect that but I didn’t want him to stop. As it was happening, I realized it was the first time I’d ever been naked in front of someone this way, and I instinctively covered my face with my hands. I suddenly felt overexposed. When I looked at him, he smiled at me—sweetly, reassuringly, making sure I was still okay. As he started going down I remember thinking, ‘Is this really happening?!’ The sensation was alien. The novelty of the situation prevented me from fully appreciating the sexual stimulation. But the emotional intimacy was so electric and pure that the experience was transcendent and will stay with me always.”
This very cool image is of Karly and Sean from the What You See Fit Tumblr.