Things My Dick Does

The website of the week… THINGS MY DICK DOES! Here are some of the clever posts from THINGS MY DICK DOES!

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Sex Survey

During the past ten years, I have collected more than 10,000 sex surveys. Here’s one of many that says a great deal:


I am totally straight, though I sometimes consider that to be limiting. I’ve had crushes on lesbian women in the past (oddly never straight women) but have never acted on it, and never fantasized about anything beyond kissing. I’m just not interested in vaginas. I had a friend in college who I was always drawn to. I would have dreams of kissing her but never did. She had a boyfriend at the time, and only years later came out. I tend to have crushes on lesbians rather than straight girls, especially the more boyish ones.

I’ve currently been in a relationship with a man for six months. Despite being sexually active for half of my life, this is the best sex I’ve ever had. We see each other three or four times a week and have sex each time.

We do masturbate in front of each other. The look on his face when I touch myself is like a catalyst.

I really like my current partner’s penis. It’s that magical size/shape where it fits just right everywhere. Just hits my G-spot, makes a perfect mouthful, and I think it’s going to be just the right size for anal sex when we start to have it.

My labia minora are on the larger side and slightly uneven. I certainly wouldn’t mind if they were even! However, they aren’t large enough to cause an unsightly bulge in a bikini or to get in the way while I’m exercising, and my boyfriend insists that I am physically perfect, so I would never get labiaplasty.

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The Lowdown on Shaving Pubic Hair

The gynecologists who consult for my book have no problem with women removing their pubic hair—it’s how they do it that’s often the problem.

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  • Close up view of a woman's genitals, showing the difference between the urethra and the vagina.
  • Close up image showing how urine comes out of the urethra.

Female Anatomy

This guy’s either watched too much porn or not enough. But it’s not an uncommon question.

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Average penis size is smaller than many men think

Based on studies of 15,521 penises, the average length of an erect penis is about 5.25 to 5.5 inches. This means a penis that is 7 inches when erect is in the upper 97th percentile (out of 100 men, it would be among the longest 3 to 5). The average circumference is 4.5 inches.

For the latest and greatest penis-size study from the British Journal of Urology, CLICK HERE.

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Sex in water often needs lube

Water washes away natural lubrication and can make sex feel dry. This includes sex in hot tubs, pools, bath tubs, rivers, lakes, the ocean and even the shower.

So contrary to what you would think, sex in water often requires adding sex lube. The best lubes for sex in water are silicone-based. Silicone-based lubes don’t wash away. Put the lube on a penis or dab some in a vagina before you get into the water.

Warning: Silicone-based lubes can make shower floors slick as ice. To help prevent dangerous slips, apply it before you get into the shower.

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